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Army Life

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November 14, 2017

Hindrances to Giving Thanks

*This is the first post in a two part series on struggling with giving thanks.

Have you ever struggled to give thanks? Have you ever longed to be thankful, yet gratitude doesn’t seem to be the natural attitude of your heart — or maybe perhaps given your current circumstances gratitude just quite frankly feels impossible? Well, you’re not alone.

If you were to come over for a cup of coffee this week, you would see a DIY brown, cardstock banner strung across my dining room window.

Give Thanks it says.

What you might not know, is that my heart needs this banner strung across it too. Maybe I’m hoping as I walk past these words daily that they will somehow impress themselves upon my heart.

Giving thanks does not come naturally to me.

I like to think I’m a grateful person. (Don’t we all?) But an honest examination of my heart would reveal my struggle to give thanks, and not just in the hard times, but on any given day. Read more

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October 12, 2017

What You Need to Know About Your Tears

He coyly poked his head past the frame of his bedroom door and peeked down the stairs.

“Mommy?” his tiny voice tentatively asked. It was just above a whisper, barely carrying its way to my ears.

I stood at the bottom of the stairs peering up at him and replied, “Yes, Baby?”

“You need to come wipe my tears,” he whimpered.

Big emotions had filled his small three-year-old heart and almost instantaneously flooded his eyes with great big tears. He had been crying for a few minutes before he called to me.

I started up the stairs, and when I reached him, I leaned my face in close to his, gaining an intimate view of his tears. Their streaks glistened on his cheeks revealing paths that resembled tiny streams. Each eye held a tear so large that it filled half his eye and threatened to fall with the slightest movement. But his eyes held my gaze, and so they remained half full of tears.

With my thumbs I gently wiped his tears from his eyes. I cupped his small face in my hands and ran my them across his babysoft skin, wiping the rest away, but he could still feel the evidence of their wet presence.

“Mommy there’s still more.”

This time, I pulled the bottom of my soft, cotton shirt to his face to soak up every last droplet. (After all, isn’t this what a momma’s shirt is for–to collect tears and boogers and all the toddler things as though it were a napkin?).

By now his whimpers turned to soft sniffles. His soul calming with the wiping and drying of his tears.

This routine started a couple of months ago and has now become a familiar scene in our home, an expectation he has of me.

It’s not until I’ve come and wiped every tear droplet dry that his soul truly rests.

Can I be honest for a minute?

Even though the tears and crying look different as an adult, I still have an inner longing to be seen and loved just like this.

As much as I refuse to cry in front of others, there’s this desire inside of me for my unseen tears to be seen, to know they matter.

If we’re honest, I think we all want someone to come to us like this: to see our tears and the pain behind them, to touch them, and to lovingly wipe them away.  Read more

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August 30, 2017

The First Day of Kindergarten, from One Rainbow Mom’s Perspective

Right now many of us moms are sending our babies off to kindergarten.

For many moms this season likely creates a huge ache in their hearts and a trickle of tears down their cheeks that they quickly try to wipe away and hide, at least while still in view of their little ones.

After all, we’re sending our babies off into the world. And perhaps this is one of the first true moments of letting go. And the letting go is h-a-r-d.

This week I was one of the moms sending my baby off to kindergarten.

However, I wasn’t one of the moms that I just described.

Now please don’t hear me wrong, especially if you were / are one of these moms. I can empathize with the reactions and tears and difficulties in sending our babies off to school in a way that is much deeper than most realize and there’s no judgement here.

My experience this week was different. And maybe in a way that you might not expect.

You see, when you’ve walked the unexpected and traumatic road of child loss, as I have, it drastically changes you as a mother, as a person, and affects every aspect of your life including how you think and feel and look at the world.

One of the hardest aspects of losing a baby is that you grieve more than just them, more than just who they were, more than just your sweet one month old. You lose them and their entire future – and the future you had expected for yourself.

You lose an entire lifetime all at once, your grieve a lifetime of losses all at once, and you do it for your entire lifetime.  Read more

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August 24, 2017

Comfortable in Suffering

There’s a song by Francesca Battistelli called “If We’re Honest” in which she sings these words:

“The dark seems safer than the light.”

Who could ever imagine the dark being safer than the light? That we could end up thinking that way?

But that was it.

One day as I was listening to this song for hundredth time, those words reverberated in my mind and stopped me in my tracks.

That was where I found myself without realizing it.

In a place where dark seems safer than the light.

Have you ever been there before? Are you there now? If yes please keep reading. If not, please still keep reading, because maybe one day you’ll remember these words, and they will help free you from the darkness and the moment in which it seems safer than the light.

In our lives we will have seasons where the storm rages, the skies darken, a fog falls over us, a blackness consumes us. There’s a million ways to describe it – and most are accurate. None of us are immune to these seasons.

However you want to describe it, the darkness can enter our lives in different ways but functions the same. Maybe it’s through sorrow or fear or pain that comes from death, illness, job loss, a broken relationship, or something else, something else that hurts and breaks and empties us.

Our lives grow dark during seasons of suffering.

The darkness wraps itself around us. Those of us who have experienced a season of suffering know this. But here’s the thing, if we’re not careful, we might end up holding onto the dark and pulling it tighter around us like a blanket.

Like the dark is safer than the light.

We might long for the light and beg to be released from the darkness’s captivity – but how do we experience the light again? Will the darkness ever be lifted? When will we ever be free from it? Is it even possible?  Read more

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August 11, 2017

Why God Calls Us To Dangerous Places (A Book Review)

I recently became a member of Moody Publishers blogger review program in which I receive free copies of certain titles in exchange for my honest reviews. Below is my review of the first title I read. As always, I promise to only share books and other products I think will be meaningful to my readers. 

As a military spouse whose husband is called to dangerous places all the time and as someone who has followed Jesus through seasons of trials and suffering and learned deep and freeing spiritual lessons and grown to love deeper and walk freer as a result, and who also has a strong desire to encourage others who are walking through hard times and wrestling with hard questions, I was eager to read this book for the question its title asks and share the messages in it with you. Read my full review below.

 

 


In the book Why Does God Call Us to Dangerous Places (2015), Kate McCord answers the question posed in her title, and she does it just as Jesus does, gently, yet powerfully. In each chapter Kate offers a new facet and answer to this heavy question by speaking truth backed by her personal life stories, the stories of others in dangerous places, and ultimately by sharing God’s word and ample scripture references.

Kate bravely opens up her personal sacred spaces by sharing her personal stories from her 9 years spent in Afghanistan as a Christian woman and humanitarian aid worker. Her stories of a foreign and dangerous life the majority of us will never see or experience will draw you in. As you read about Kate’s experiences you will feel as though you’re sitting next to her on the dirt floor surrounded by Afghan women, experiencing the ebb and flow of emotions that wash over her and witness her heart turn to God throughout as though it’s your own heart and then witness a God who does all He says He will do just as Kate does.

Kate’s stories recount the danger, the suffering, the loss, the fears, and more of being called to a dangerous place to serve Jesus and share the Gospel. She not only shares her personal stories, but also shares the direct words and stories of others.

At first I found the excerpts in which the words of others appear distracting and found myself wanting to skim through them because I wanted more of Kate’s own words and story, but then I understood Kate’s message and slowed down to take the time to give honor to each of these stories she included because they weren’t just stories, they were people whose lives matter and deserve to be shared. These inclusions ended up supporting and brought a greater understanding to Kate’s message and emphasizing it as not just her own.  Read more